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Archive for the ‘Five Stages of Grief’ Category

At little moments I feel the truth of that statement.  When I was very young and people would die it seemed a mystery.  Then in early adulthood death seemed a tragedy.  And now in real adulthood it seems a mystery again.

From Robert Lanza, MD on the Huffington Post:  “Your consciousness will always be in the present — balanced between the infinite past and the indefinite future — moving intermittently between realities along the edge of time, having new adventures and meeting new (and rejoining old) friends.”

If you’d like to  read the entire article  – click here.


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Music you choose for your loved ones memorial service is a deeply personal decision.  Some families have a very easy relationship with music.  There are songs that define the members of the family very easily and that is the music the family chooses to play for memorial services.  For those of you who might be looking for suggestions, I offer up a few.  If you have music that worked for your families, please share links in the comments section.  Thank you.

VOICES OF ANGELS: If you’d like some voices of angels, and music more on the formal, spiritual side, we suggest you peruse through options from Grammy Award winning Kansas City Chorale.   My mother trained almost half of the singers in the chorale and so, of course their music was entirely appropriate for her services.  and much of the music is universally moving.  We chose music from their albums ALLELUIA, An American Hymnal and FERN HILL, American Choral Music and their BRAHMS album.
Link here:  http://bit.ly/fC0J1

ON THE JOYFUL SIDE: It is natural and necessary to allow Grief to take you down her long and winding road, and it’s also natural and necessary to let moments of joy surface during that trip.  Sometimes at the end of memorial services for a well lived life, a joyful sendoff can be a great gift you give the attending friends. For that moment, may I suggest  Dance On My Grave by Seconds Flat.
“No procession, no depression
Only good thoughts from you and my kin
No more crying, no goodbye-ing
Rejoice my passing, have a good stiff drink and kick your shoes off… Will you please dance on my grave…with your barefeet on the ground…  “
check it out. It’s beautiful.
Listen here:  http://kpig.com/stybin/pigplayer?c=5&p=2&e=1
Or buy it here on the KPIG Greatest Hits 2  Album  right on over he’ya… http://bit.ly/4pECce

My only other encouragement to you is to tune in and observe now what music is beautiful and meaningful to your parents and other loved ones.  As it become obvious, set aside CDs, purchase second copies, or download the music now so there is no rush when the actual funeral arrives.  There are 1000 other details to tend to in the moment, so a little care now, can make that difficult moment so much easier.

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Elisabeth Kubler Ross gave the world a great gift in her life’s work.
I will repeat her five stages of grief here and I recommend you purchase her classic book
“On Death and Dying”
The Stages:
1) Denial – This isn’t happening.
2) Anger –  Why me/us?  It’s not fair.
3) Bargaining – Just a little more time.
4) Depression – Why bother with anything?
5) Acceptance – It’s going to be OK.
You may experience only 2 of these, or you may experience all 5.  They may go in order, and they may not.  You can read more about Elizabeth Kubler Ross’ work here:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/K%C3%BCbler-Ross_model
And you can purchase seriously discounted versions of the book here:
http://www.abebooks.com/servlet/SearchResults?an=Elizabeth+kubler+ross&sts=t&tn=on+death+and+dying&x=82&y=6
Or on Amazon her books are listed here:
http://www.amazon.com/s/ref=nb_ss_b?url=search-alias%3Dstripbooks&field-keywords=elisabeth+kubler+ross&x=0&y=0

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