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Archive for the ‘Things To Do When Someone Dies’ Category

Angels are comforting to many people, so I am posting a few here.   I can’t say for sure that angels exist, but if they don’t, I will be a little disappointed.  These are angel sculptures from Recoleta, the magnificent cemetary in Buenos Aires.  I was there last month and was amazed at the tributes people [...]

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Take your time with the belongings of the deceased. do not pressure yourself to “handle things” and do not let anyone else pressure you to “handle things”.
Touch everything you want to touch.
Acknowledge everything you want to acknowledge.
Remember everything you want to remember.
Treat it all with love and respect.
You are not just cleaning out a house, [...]

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The hard-copy of “Do You Still Laugh? Do You Still Sing?” is currently being re-designed for e-book distribution and new hard copy.  They will be available for sale most likely this fall.
We do have a few “demo copies” that are small, spiral bound, and imperfect which we are happy to sell to you if you [...]

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Elisabeth Kubler Ross gave the world a great gift in her life’s work.
I will repeat her five stages of grief here and I recommend you purchase her classic book
“On Death and Dying”
The Stages:
1) Denial – This isn’t happening.
2) Anger -  Why me/us?  It’s not fair.
3) Bargaining – Just a little more time.
4) Depression – Why [...]

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Leave the bedroom and perhaps the desk of the deceased undisturbed for as long as you can.  You can feel their presence among those things for quite a while. 
     We invaded Mother’s room probably a little too early.  This was brought to my attention by my sister, Theresa.  She was right.  Mother’s shoes were where [...]

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When death arrives, do not be too strong.
There are many people who want to do things for you at this time.  Let them.
Let them do every little thing they desire to do.
And ask for assistance.
Ask for assistance with every little thing you have to do.
     I asked a long-time family friend to ride with me [...]

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When someone dies, stories and vignettes become very important. 
Tell stories and listen to the family tell stories.  If you recall an experience you shared with the person who has passed away and that experience warms your heart – share that story.
    When my father passed away, one of the neighbors from our grade school years, [...]

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Chop wood and carry water.  The simple things.  These are the things to tend to when someone dies.  The laundry.
The dishes.
Taking out the trash.
Cutting the grass.
The groceries.
The bathrooms.
Stay with the children.
Just show up and do them.
There is so much love in those acts. 
Make sure the family is drinking enough water (really).
When my mother died, another [...]

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When the parent of a friend dies — Simply be there.
At the funeral home.
At the church.
At the house.
Just be there.
“If you need anything…”  the bereaved can rarely think of what they need.  What I noticed is they need you to think of what they might need as the brain kind of stops during early days [...]

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    When the parent of a friend dies, or someone else close to you dies and you want to attend the funeral or the wake, you’ll want to know what to say.  Wouldn’t it be great if you could say something that is not a cliche, or say something profound, and say “the word” that will make [...]

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